The Unspeakable Meaning of Colors
by Blind Zen Archer
Summary: A look at the thoughts of Chang WuFei during the year between the Libra battles and Endless Waltz. SLIGHT shonen ai hints, MAJOR angst.


The Unspeakable Meanings of Colors by Blind Zen Archer 

Okay...this was born out of many things. First, a day's lecture on the significance of colors in Asian societies. Second, My desire to do a decent Wufei fic. (My last one wasn't too good.) Third, I was supposed to take my little sis into school this morning, got up at 7am to do the job, and then she got sick and didn't want to go. So, I promptly breakfasted on some cookies and cream ice cream(it was almost gone anyway, right?), started a load of laundry, and have begun to write. 

Disclaimers: I don't own GW. I wish I did. I'd be a much richer college student, and I'd never have to worry about money again. Don't sue me, or I'll only have to worry more. 

Warnings: Ummm...angsty? Some implied Shonen-ai? Spoliers for Blind Target and Episode Zero? Chicken pie and Bubble gum don't mix well? 

Takes place between Blind Target and EW 

The Unspeakable Meanings of Colors by Blind Zen Archer 

Wufei was alone. 

Again. 

He had no home to return to, no purpose to guide him, no place in this new world. 

The Long Clan was dead. 

Yet somehow, he could muster no tears for them. They had done what they considered Justice, after OZ had forced his hand with Nataku. 

Nataku. A symbol of his victory, and his failure. If he had defended the Long clan better two years ago, Meiran and the Long clan might still be here. Perhaps Meiran would have fought, not him. Perhaps she would not have been gripped with the loss and emptiness that burned inside him every time he looked at his gundam. The smooth white of the Gundamanium alloy had a chilling, sterile look that perfectly captured Death, in his mind. 

He had once considered pointing out to Maxwell that all the Gundams symbolized Death, with the white that was a liberal part of their color scheme, but he doubted that Maxwell would have understood. Yuy might have, but it was questionable.

The white of Death seemed to be all around him of late. Even in his own choice of clothing. Was it because he had become an ally of death? Or simply because he was a man already dead inside?

The Tallgeese that he had fought against and beside had been white. He remembered the first time he watched Zechs attack the Gundams using the original Tallgeese, and he was struck by how similar it was to the MS that Meiran nearly died in.

Indeed, for a moment, he almost let himself think that Meiran had come back from her grave to fight them, because they had failed, somehow. Every time he saw Zechs in that machine, he kept thinking of Meiran, and her death, and was almost too painful to keep fighting. 

It had been a relief to hear that Tallgeese had been destroyed. Even if it meant that Zechs had stolen Wing Zero. And then Treize just had to build another one. At least that one had cosmetic differences from the original, so that it wasn't quite as painful to look at. But those who wear Death's livery often pay a horrible price.

_And I was the one to take that toll from Treize._

Wufei still remembered the hot tears rolling down his face as Treize exploded. Nataku's beam trident had sliced cleanly through part of the cockpit. It was remarkable that Trieze lived to speak his final words before the explosion. 

_And even now tears form in my eyes when I think on it. I can muster no tears for my home and clan, but for a man who was my enemy. My Friend. What would Meiran say?_

"She'd say that we both paid the price for tying ourselves to death. That it was only Justice. And that for tying myself to you, Nataku, I will probably find myself in Treize's place someday."

Nataku simply sat there. The cold white offered little comfort, but as Wufei's eyes touched on the gold insets of the breastplate and helm, he gave a small snort of disgust.

"I have no right to wear that gold. I have no emperor's favor. I killed the only emperor who might have honored any of the Gundam pilots in such a fashion."

Not that the other Gundam pilots would have understood that, either.

They meant well, but they had a tendency to rub salt in the wounds. Every time they reminisced about home, or offered to give him a place to stay, it just made his loss that much clearer. They all had something to continue. Even Yuy disappeared to somewhere...following some mission only he understood; appearing only when he felt he was needed, like when Yuy found him in China a few months ago, telling him that someone was trying to steal the Gundams, and that Winner and Peacecraft were in danger. 

_ Meiran...you would never have let yourself become such a vagabond. You always knew your purpose. Even when that purpose was to become death's bride, and not mine. What would you do in this new world of peace? Where I am no longer needed?_

She would have taken Une's offer to become a Preventer. That would have allowed her to continue searching for her justice. But there were just too many old wounds in that place that had yet to heal. He couldn't do that yet. If ever.

But there was another option, wasn't there? Those men had said something about a place for warriors. A place where he could have a purpose again.

There was something very seductive about having a new purpose.

"I'm going to find them again, Nataku. We need a new direction. Meiran and Master O would be very disappointed in us if we did not seek out a purpose."

If he had to become tied to death, he would make sure his life still had a meaning behind it.

The End

Blind Zen Archer 

Please send comments to: [BZArcher@gundam.com][1]

[Back to Blind Zen Archer's page][2]

   [1]: mailto:BZArcher@gundam.com?subject=GW Addiction page
   [2]: ../BZA.shtml



End file.
